How I Got Here

"Why are you crying? It says congratulations!" Tim exclaimed, reading over my shoulder.

"I can't believe that this is really happening.  I am going to be a nurse!" At that point I was sobbing.

When I was 22 and trying to decide what to do with my life, the obvious choice was to pursue a Masters in Theatre. I was accepted to a program in London but I just didn't have peace about it so I decided to return to the states and try something else.  Those first couple of years working as a theatre artist were very challenging.  I was unemployed a couple of times and often felt a bit lost, but tried the best I could to make ends meet while doing what I love.  Countless people helped me along the way. An old Professor gave me my first car, a college friend gave me a job, my roommate connected me with several families that needed child care, I got involved at a local theatre company, and I worked at the local hipster bar. I was the epitome of a "starving artist."  The second time I applied for grad school I felt sure of my path. I was going to perform and teach Shakespeare for the rest of my life and I was so excited!  I worked very hard preparing for that audition.  It went surprisingly well but I didn't make the cut. I didn't know it at the time but there was a better path out there for me than the one I thought I wanted.

Around the ripe old age of 27 I started to realize that I wanted a more stable life; one in which I could work a job that I loved, get paid well for the work I did and have time and resources to start a family. I thought about trying for other grad program but the more research I did the more I realized that the life of a theatre artist wasn't what I was looking for. As I delved into possible career options I realized that the one thing I wanted more than anything was to be able to tangibly help people every day. It was then that the world of nursing started to pique my interest. Whenever I mentioned to my friends and family that I was thinking about a career as a nurse I received a very positive response. That feedback, from those who know me best, was all the encouragement I needed to hit the ground running.  So I started looking into it seriously and discovered that it really did have all the elements I was looking for in a career. Tangibly helping people everyday, flexibility, 36 hour work week (if working full time), good pay, and an opportunity to put my acting skills to good use ;-). But I was scared.  More school means more student loans.  I am in a mountain of debt already, how can I justify more?

One of my best friends suggested that instead of jumping into something so completely different, why don't I try it out for a time, get an entry level job in health care and observe some nurses and see if this is really what I want to do. I took her advise and became a Certified Nurse Aide (CNA).  I had the most brilliant nurse for an instructor.  The day I met her was the day I knew that she was who I wanted to be when I grew up.  Her enthusiasm for the work and compassion for the patients was marvelous.  I learned so much from watching her.  She led by example and taught us to always do our best no matter what.  Thankfully, I passed the course and took the state exam.  It was one of the most stressful days of my life but I did pass that as well (despite my being certain that I failed). I started working at a nursing home.  Anyone who has ever worked in a nursing home with probably tell you, the work is far from ideal. We were always short staffed and running out of things and never had enough time to give the residents our full and undivided attention.  It really was a shame and I struggled a lot with feeling that the work I was doing was never enough because the residents always needed so much more than I could possibly find time to give in my 8-hour shift.

At this point I was working three jobs in order to make ends meet (CNA jobs don't pay well) and ended up injuring my back and was out of work for 2 days because of it.  I started to reevaluate the 75 hours a week that I was working and realized just how close to burning out I was with only 5 months of health care work under my belt. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this.  One night I was working with a nurse who was absolutely convinced that I should do anything BUT nursing. She hated her work and didn't understand why anyone who would happily put themselves in her shoes.  I tried to write it off but her words stuck with me.  Later that night she came out of a residents room at her wits end.

"I don't know what to do. He is freaking out in there!" The resident to whom she was referring was a nonverbal stroke victim who I knew well and had come to love dearly. I went into him and very calmly and smoothly got him to relax.  I told him he was safe and tried to ascertain if he needed anything. He just needed some comfort.  My best assessment of the situation was that he had had a nightmare and the nurse had awoken him from it to give him his medicine. As I turned to leave the room, I saw the nurse in the doorway.  She had been watching me.
"I take it all back," she said, "you are meant to be a nurse."

Within a month of this interaction I had accepted a new position at a hospital as an Emergency Room Technician. Being able to leave my job at the nursing home was such a blessing, but I learned a TON about nursing while I was there and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.  In fact, the nurse who got me the job at the hospital I met at the nursing home.  It all worked out for the best. In my current position as an ER Tech, I been trained in a whole slew of things I never thought I would be doing this side of nursing school. The work interests me and I learn something new every day. Emergency Medicine definitely has its challenges, but I enjoy my job as a technician and have learned so much from my co-workers. I can now say with absolute certainty that being a nurse is exactly what I am meant to do for my career!

It has been two very slow years of thinking, working, wondering, applying and considering the best path for me as I pursue a nursing career.  Nursing school seemed like such a far off and unattainable thing, but the waiting is over! I just got accepted to the program that I think will be perfect for me! The price is right, I don't have to do prerequisite courses, the school is only a 20 minute drive from my house, I can get my bachelors degree while working as a RN, it is a very good school, and I got accepted! When I applied for the program I thought I might have a good chance of getting in because of my past college grades, recent test scores and a resume full of life experience. But I didn't even want to entertain the hope of getting in because I knew how devastated I would be if I got rejected.

Last week I stood in my kitchen reading my letter of acceptance and I was sobbing.  Not because I was sad, but because I couldn't believe that all these years of trying so desperately to carve out a life for myself  had finally paid off.  I had gotten the desire of my heart. I am going to be a nurse. I feel an incredible amount of peace and am so thankful.  There is a proverb that my parents used to remind us of growing up:

The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. 

~Proverbs 16:9 NASB

It is a good one to take to heart. God has an amazing future set out for me. He has opened and closed many doors during my 20s. Now as I look ahead to my 30th year I see one door wide open just waiting for me to step through; the world of nursing awaits. Hard work has paid off and I have even more ahead of me, but more importantly I truly feel God's blessing as He has directed my life to this place. I am so grateful, humbled and blessed.